My Bathtub Pal
Max Ritvo, 2016
I am writing you from the bathtub where I am trying to ease my joints. The pain seems to move from the front half of a joint to a back half.
I can’t track it across my body.
My pain is mild but deep—like it’s reminding my body of something it once was. It thinks I’m a baby:
Look at the oatmeal prepared for you daily, and your electric blankets, and it’s me you choose to lavish your attention on?
You have so much more than me, though you had me first, when you were a Worm.
This pain thinks thinking is idiotic, embarrassingly juvenile, and I’m proof of that.
And it’s not even the pain foremost, it is the story of me in pain that is paining me.
I am possessed with self-pity, and it is expressing itself out of my mouth. It sounds like a whole flock of sheep suddenly
realizing the flock is an imposed externality.
I chose this poem because it hits home right about now. The poem is talking about a guy sitting in the bathtub talking about this pain he is going through. He talks with this pain as if it is human and can respond to his thoughts and ideas. The pain is within him and is apart of him thus he is going through this in his mind. The poem really shows the struggle that some people go through daily. They struggle with pain and self-pity. They want this pain to stop and for theses thoughts to leave there mind but it does not. Some days you have pain and others you feel as normal as can be.
Recently, I was diagnosed with lupus. This is an autoimmune disorder which pretty much means my body attacks itself. I have been going through pain for about a week now and it is constant. I find myself sitting in the shower hoping the warm water will ease my pain as I think about everything that is happening. There is a certain amount of pain where you just sit in the shower or bathtub and think that you would not want to experience.
Illness does not just affect your physical being. It affects your emotions and your mind. It breaks you down until you feel like your nothing. The part of the poem where he talks about the pain thinking that thinking is idiot and juvenile it shows how the pain has such a control over you and how you think. Pain becomes how you think. It is all you think and all that you feel. Pain becomes you and that the worst part because you feel like your lose yourself in the pain and that all you are is pain.
This poem shows deep meaning and a struggle that millions of people go through on a daily basis. Pain becomes a part of you being whether it be physically or mentally.
This poem by Anita Krizzan was honestly kind of hard to follow. I mean it is self explanatory what she is saying but finding meaning within her words was my struggle. I continued to read over the poem again and again trying to find this deeper meaning. What I seem to get out this poem is the desire to let loose and do whatever she wants. They want to experience the good, the bad, and everything in between. The way they talk about freedom and pleasures of the nights. It sounds like they are kind of young. When we think ,or when i think, of people being out late at night trying to experience everything ,especially "sins", I think of young adults being out and about living life to the fullest no matter what may come of it.
Then she goes to say, " It is so sinful to seek relief through earthly pleasures.", which makes me think that maybe this person is doing all of theses sinful pleasures to fill a void within themselves. They seek these sins to make them feel better, that is why they have such a desire and yearning for the "sins". This person does not care about damage emotionally or physically that it is doing to them because they say, "I want it to provoke me, to hurt me." The pain could be making whatever else they are feeling go away. They are going through with sinful pleasures to cover up the pain that might already be there. Anita Krizzan shows this extreme desire by the way she describes the sins and how they make this person feel. She describes the sins as a " long-awaited freedom", like she has been struggling with the desires to be sinful.
The last thing I would like to talk about in this poem in the very end. She writes that, "Tonight. I am a sinner." This seems like a dramatic end where this person has come to terms with the sinful desires and is okay with what and how it consumes them. There desire will be fulfilled and them be a sinner is perfectly okay with them.
This poem is a strong super easy to relate to. Everyone in their lives at some point will have desires that are so strong. Some of these desires are considered sinful and others consider good. This poem just shows how strong a desire can control ones feelings and lives.
I feel like this poem is so relevant to how I feel right now and maybe even some of you. I think I find it hard sometimes to write poetry or works of art considering I usually right to impress the people trying to read it. I worry so much about trying to make it feel as if someone could relate to me or understand how I feel. I never write with the intent of digging deeper into myself and actually enjoying my work whether people like it or not. I feel that what makes a piece of work so great is that the writer writes the words that they feel without thinking about trying to have tons of people like it and by doing that people then actually enjoy the work and how it is uniquely created by someone who actually feels the words they write.
This poem also goes pretty deep into a self reflection. It is like a war wage within you. You either do your art to impress others or you do your art until YOU like it. I mean I am not saying that trying to have others like your art, whatever that may be, is wrong but you liking your work and loving it for what it is whether people like it or not is important too. This poem is just trying to get you to feel good about your art no matter what people say. If you heart likes your work and your soul likes your work then that is all that matters Write what you want. Be who you want. Love what you write. Be honest with yourself and let your mind and hands create true art.
Experiencing the struggle of trying to prove to the world and to people that you are worth something is one of the hardest trials of our human experience. We act like in some way we owe the world something or we have to prove ourselves when all actuality we do not and we will not have to. The line where Clint Smith says, "I have always used words to try and convince the world that I am worth something", actually strikes a fire within me because, Isn't that what we are all trying to do? We think that we have to be famous or that we have to be known by everyone to actually be worth anything.
Clint Smith showed himself as a human who struggles with the same internal conflicts. Just because he is a well respected writer and that a good bit of people know him does not mean that he does not still struggles with the idea of trying to prove his worth to the world and the people around him. This was a raw and real moment for Clint Smith as was the rest of his poem book.
This entire poem is a piece of work that you can relate some point of your life to. At some point, we have all wanted to impress a special someone. We have memorized their favorites and we want so desperately to impress them and show them how worthy we are of their love or affection or whatever we are wanting from them. Sometimes it goes to an extreme and that is all we do and all we think about. When Clint Smith said " I have a notebook full of these." , which is all the words he is trying to impress them with, it shows the extreme dedication to trying to impress them. That he so desperately wants a stamp of worthiness, as do we all. I guess what I am trying to say here is that yes, we as humans have flaws and that we yearn to have the world say we are worthy but that is the beautiful part. That every human has at some point experienced wanting to be worthy and has wanted to impress someone. It creates a feeling of wholeness and being one in a world where it seems like every man is for them self.
Hey guys! I am Makenzie Renee Hite and this is a little about me. I play three sports which I love with all my heart. I am in Cross Country, Swim, and Softball. Even though I play a good bit of sports I have and artsy side you could say. I enjoy reading and writing poetry as well as playing the ukulele and singing. I am not the super outgoing person but this year is going to be a lot different and i am ready to get out of my shell and thrive. I want to use my blog this years as a way to express how I feel and how I analyze works of literature as well as things in the real world. This introductory is kind of everywhere but I guess it is just a way to dive into blogging so it does not have to be perfect. I will slowly find my voice in my writing and learn how to use it in the best way possible.